on the verge of extinction... again

Zbang, zbang, zbang...

Mi-as dori ca zambetele mele sa nu fi fost sincere. Mi-as dori sa nu fi fost amuzata cu adevarat. Ma simt groaznic de vinovata pentru asta. Nu vreau sa mai zambesc, nu vreau sa ma mai bucure nimic acum. E asa o lipsa de respect fata de gravitatea situatiei...

Mi-as dori sa pot merge pe pantofii cu toc la care ma holbez acum, in timp ce stau lungita pe jos, cu botul si degetele deasupra tastaturii. Dar nu ma simt in stare nici macar sa ies din casa.

Mi-as dori sa mai am curajul de a incerca solutii radicale care ar [putea] lovi inapoi intr-un mod foarte urat. Dar sa repar lucrurile pe termen scurt, indiferent de consecintele pe termen lung.

Mi-as dori sa nu mai incerc sa-mi dau seama ce dracu' zice in piesa asta.

Probabil mai mult imi imaginez chestii total anapoda. I'll never die the death that you have...

Mi-as dori sa pot uita toate momentele bune imediat ce au trecut. Pentru ca imi face foarte mult rau sa-mi amintesc de ele atunci cand lucrurile merg prost.

Astept. Din nou. Din nou, nu pot face altceva pentru o vreme. As vrea sa incerc sa fac ceva, asa sa ma arde sa fac ceva, orice, sa nu astept. Nu mai suport sa mai astept. Dar mi-e asa frica. Pentru ca as putea sa stric ceva urat daca incerc ceva acum. Si pentru ca e foarte probabil ca, orice as face sa nu fie atat de eficient precum imi doresc. Eu vreau intotdeauna solutii rapide si eficiente. Ma omoara ca acum nu se mai poate.

Nu mai tin minte daca asta a fost prima piesa pe care am auzit-o de la ei, insa a fost prima dupa care am fost cu adevarat nebuna.

still cheerless is in my soul, my heart filled with cares... low-spirited is my song, downhearted my tune... beyond enchanted sea, wistful is my sleep, darkness by my side, through the dreary night... I've faced the demons of might, passed away into shades... long are lonely years, slowly pass these days in undying land, in the divine light where I wait...in the dark...

I open my eyes, but the darkness stays... now it's the time of grieving, reign of sorrow in my heart... all i have ever wanted is today forever gone... bitter is the nightly silence, bitter till the end of time, the sky grown ever darker...

this will be for now and forever the diverging of our paths... you must stop your bleeding... before you run yourself dry, you must let go of your wound... now that this night has turned into a dawn I give up this life I have been leading, left with all these things I never meant to say, words deceitful, double-dealing... as every breaking day fades away before the dusk so does hate pause and resentment turn to reason...

Nu vreau. Nu vreau, nu! Vreau toata ura, furia aia inapoi. Ma simt groaznic de vinovata ca m-am calmat. Vreau sa vreau sa lupt. Cu ura si furie. Nu vreau sa fiu senina. Niciodata.

o, father, hear these words, your son is not made for this world, faint-hearted and careworn, into this vile life I was hurled... in the woods the fiends sigh, I swear I heard the demons neigh, on the seashore I espy the dreadful void under the tides... ill-assorted with this life, these cares, each moment I am waiting for the worst to come my way... dark berry from my mother's womb; a frail one, I was affrighted at my birth, bewildered from the start... better it would be to stay in the shades, in the thicket of the dead, in the groves of death... here I would lie to the end of the days...