drops of sadness: and whatever becomes, it becomes
I have short hair now. A day before the AC/DC concert and I cut my hair. And I got myself Blinky Bill pajamas. Wearing them right now.
And I realized something tonight. I've made... Hell, so many mistakes. And there's one thing I can never forgive. One thing that makes me hate people passionately. I cannot stand having anyone trying to prevent me from making yet another mistake. I know what I'm doing is wrong, but I feel it's too late to stop. And whoever tries to save me from myself becomes the enemy.
I know that even this has limitations. In spite of my "die, just die!" thoughts, I never intended to kill anyone. Yet, seven years ago I almost did. The guilt died out. And the hate re-appeared, amplified by those "don't upset him again, you know he has heart problems..."
I have a bad feeling about this. Last time I felt the way I do tonight, somebody almost died. I don't want to die... but it won't be me. I'll be sick, I'll be ridiculous, I'll have to leave early, but I'll survive.
Yes, I am going. I know I'm going to feel sick. If somebody/ something shakes me, I feel like throwing up. The music will be loud enough to make me throw up. What I don't know is how soon, how intensely... And how ridiculous will that make me look. I could say it's ironic their music will literally make me throw up... but I know it's not the music... it's my own stupidity, my being unable to control myself. Sixty pills...
I close my eyes and I visualize toy penguins. And a hand on a white wall. White cold wall...
Something's going to go horribly wrong and it's all my fault. But I'll just let it happen...
2 pareri
- cine
- Florin
- cand
- duminică, 16 mai 2010 la 13:09:00 EEST
- cine
- DeMaio
- cand
- duminică, 16 mai 2010 la 14:40:00 EEST
Da-ti si tu cu parerea!
Mai jos se pot scrie tampenii. Nu mai mari ca alea de mai sus...
Insa inainte de orice altceva, vezi cum se comenteaza: indrumar tehnic si reguli!
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